Boss Instructs You to Jerk off

Thank you for taking the time out of work to come up and see me. I know it is a busy

time of year. I know there's lots for everyone to do. But I've been going through the performance

records of all of the staff in my company and I'm afraid to say that you are in the

top 5% of low achievers. Now I have various choices with people who are really not putting

their weight in this company. I could sack you immediately, because ultimately from what